The coming winter looms ahead of me and I feel that it is bound to be a strange season. I don't know exactly why I feel this way. It settled on me at the end of summer while the days were still hot. I've felt something coming down the pipe for several months now. It hasn't arrived yet but I can see the dark edges of it on the horizon. I can only hope that whatever it turns out to be and whatever changes it works in me it spits me out the other side a better person.
The weather has turned now, thank goodness. October started out hot but it is finally starting to feel like Autumn and I couldn't be happier about it. Nothing gets me going like a crisp breeze and the smell of burning leaves in the air. I saw my first jack-o-lantern the other night grinning at me from a neighbor's window and I find myself excited for the first time in a long time. It was a slow and painful summer. I had to work through a lot of issues and doubt threatened to steal my spiritual center away from me on several occasions. I prayed nightly for the strength to hang on and the gods answered . . .eventually. Took me a while to hear them, though.
I find myself asking for signs all the time now -- a dangerous practice. I'm afraid I am only seeing what I want to see instead of what's really there and it smacks of insecurity. I guess I'm not completely free of doubt after all.
I wonder where this path is leading me. I am jealous of my Christian friends and family who get to gather in fellowship whenever they wish. I've always felt comfortable as a solitary neopagan but I'm starting to feel as if I need to be around others now.
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